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The Real Pro Cyclists of Euro County: Leg-sta-Gram

With the last of the Grand Tours underway, the Euro pros are arriving at peak form, but to the horror of the masses, this translates to arriving in veiny form. Persistently lowering body fat percentages, blazing summer temperatures, and well, riding 150k per day for an entire summer are the primary culprits. However, ever since Bartosz Huzarski became the first cyclist since Big George to try and capture the birthing of an alien from their legs, the pros have been attempting to demonstrate some one-upsmanship — particularly Garmin-Sharp, or soon to be, well, Cannondale Something Something Sharp?


While it appeared to be a battle of the veins, on paper at least, Boonen went a different route and opted to show off that kneecaps do indeed have their own mysterious muscle groups. It’s pretty horrendous, but kudos for not being outdone in the vein department. *Note to self: these legs scare both wives and cats alike.



Meanwhile, Phinney has been acting like a kid who missed the school bus for the big class field trip, yet still wants everyone to know that he’s unfazed and still having a good time hangin’ with the teachers while you’re away. He’s been sidelined, albeit with a permission slip, and for some reason is still coming kitted-up to races like the Pro Cycling Challenge in Colorado. And not being one to miss out on pro cycling’s form of a non-charitable Ice Bucket Challenge, he’s been posting up his Franken-Legs. Heal up, Taylor.




If anyone was going to detect a bit of fun, of course, it would be Ol’ Pippo. He’s been getting slagged by his own team as of late, so getting a little on-the-fence in the taste department, while simultaneously embracing his “prima donna” persona, only seemed appropriate. Divert your eyes, or not, it’s still amazing.




Now we get into Garmin’s proliferation of vein photos. I’m not sure if this was yet another example of Vaughter’s Death-Star-Like cunningness, but it comes off as a calculated social media directive all of the same. On the Garmin front, though, I’m more concerned about their possessed bikes. The power of bikes compels you!




Dan Martin got in on the fun, and again, it was gross. By this point in the summer, the whole thing was just getting uncomfortable.




Admittedly, Dan Martin’s legs are little less weird than Acevedo’s. Seriously, though — those knee caps?! It’s like looking at a damn anatomy chart. I will, however, hand out extra credit for some sick jorts.




And while these pics have all been entertaining, they all fail in comparison to a certain Mr. Thor Hushovd’s summer surprises. Why? Because he’s retiring and not afraid to have a good time — even if it means getting inappropriate with taxidermy. Good luck topping this one, fellas.




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